We are never free from uncertainty…but we can shift how we view and experience it!
Many of us are living in a grand illusion; the illusion that somehow we can plan and predict everything that happens, or WILL happen, in pursuit of our purpose.
We claim to be great with coloring outside the lines, thinking outside the box, leaping before we look and leaving our comfort zone in the rear-view.
But I think, we are really good at fooling ourselves.
At least I am.
I consider myself a deep-end, jump first, ask questions later sort of a person.
But I had a very clear picture of myself this week. And I wasn’t running boldy forward, or dancing in the rain, or facing my issues head on…no, I was sitting, arms crossed, refusing to take a step.
Like a child on the soccer field who is just over it all. Tired. Beligerent. Bored.
This leader and coach who cheers others on, lifts them from their own stuckness and sit-ins, was having her own pity-party. And the scary thing was, I couldn’t even see it! It was only through the wisdom and intuition of a coach and friend I was able to actually see what was happening.
Uncertainty was messing with my mind.
She asked me to picture a forest path, dense and narrow. Stretching out far, far ahead of me. Then she told me to see myself on that path with Jesus and asked me to see what happened next.
I didn’t take me more than a few seconds. No grand adventure or amazing story of sailing to the end of the path. Nope, just me, sitting on my butt, crying because it was too hard. I was too scared. And I couldn’t see where I was going, if I would ever get there and wondering if any of it really mattered anyway.
No amount of coaxing from Holy Spirit was going to get me to move.
I remembered a friend telling a story about her daughter playing soccer. In the middle of the game, she would just sit down because she got tired. These parents encouraged and cheered for her, but when she was done she was done.
I saw myself in this story. I am tired. Tired from the internal struggle that comes with writing a real book. Exhausted by the daily uncertainty that comes up in questions like…
- Is this really what I should be doing with my life?
- Am I even writing the right book?
- So I publish a book, what then?
- Who will even care?
- How will ever make money and be where I want to be in my income, financial future and have the freedom to travel and explore the world while I still can?
Ahh, uncertainty certainly has a lot of questions.
Our western thinking leads us to believe that we need a proven strategy, a well-laid plan, a guarantee that we will get where we want to go. And I have fallen for many programs, businesses and strategies that promise just that.
But it’s just not true. Uncertainty is part of the process. I know this, and I still missed it. I missed how much uncertainty (and fear and doubt) were messing with my creative flow and keeping me from creating.
I had all sorts of excuses and distractions and rationalizations as to why I couldn’t produce every day, why I couldn’t get my butt in the chair and follow through on my committment to write and publish a book this year.
Uncertainty is inevitable in the creative process…and in pursuing our purpose. Uncertainty is the danger, the risk, and the reward. And in reality, it’s what makes it all worth it. It’s the FUN.
Like the travel guy I watched on YouTube the other day. In the thick of the Costa Rican inland, on muddy roads, in the dark, unsure if he was going to make it to his destination, an “out-of-the-way,” secluded resort with breath-taking views that few people ever got to experience.
Was it worth it when he finally got there? Yes!
We are so afraid of the white-knuckle moments in life! Yet, those are the ones that make us feel most alive! Ask any thrill-seeker. It may terrify you, but I promise it’s better than sitting on the side of the road watching life go by.
Right now, my adventure is to write my book; to put butt-in-chair every day and dig deeper than I ever have before to share the message on God’s heart. I thought it would be easy. That it would flow freely. That it would be fun.
Most days, it’s not fun.
In fact, it’s so painful, I withdraw completly, and sit my butt in front of the tv or mindlessly scroll through social media and YouTube doing “research.” It’s embarrassing to admit it.
But starting today, I’m choosing to shift the way I engage with uncertainty. I’m choosing to see this whole undertaking as an adventure, and realize that sitting down to write every day, no matter what junk, or pain, or anxiety or resistance comes up is the thrill…it is the danger…it is the fun.
Not knowing exactly how this will turn out or where it will lead is the whole point! Uncertainty is the key to breaking me out of our comfort zones and release us into the wild and unruly unknown!
This is what I signed up for. It is what I’m choosing to do with my life. I don’t know where it leads or how I will get there or what will become of me! (oh the drama…!)
But I am learning, that uncertainty is not a swear word. It’s not a deal-breaker. It’s an invitation to step into the unknown, no more excuses, no more stopping along the way. This is a test of trust from day one, which is what makes it such an adventure!
Thanks for going on this adventure with me. Stay tuned for more transparent moments and insights as I go through this transformational process of writing a damn book.
- What adventure does God have you on right now?
- Have you found yourself like me wanting to sit, and quit because it’s SO much harder than you imagined?
- Is uncertainty about where this will lead and how it will all wok out damming up your creative flow?
- How can you change the way you view and experience uncertainty?